By Saffron Scoop, The Himalayan Tattler
Nepal’s sporting world is in meltdown after its golden boy, three-time biathlon champion Bimal Krishna, was busted with enough performance-enhancing drugs to power a yak up Everest—twice! The doping control agency dropped the bombshell: Krishna tested positive for the banned blood-booster EPO.
But the champion’s defense? A tale so wild it could only be spun on the roof of the world!
First, the 27-year-old athlete claimed he was the victim of a “honeytrap plot” masterminded by his Pakistani rivals! According to Krishna, they arranged a party where he had unprotected sex with an Albanian woman, who had secretly been injected with EPO, transferring it to his bloodstream. “It was a chemical kiss of doom!” an anonymous source close to the athlete wailed.
That fantastical story crumbled faster than a poorly built snowman when police raided his Kathmandu apartment. Hidden not-so-cleverly inside his refrigerator, nestled between the momos and the milk, officers discovered a staggering stash of 50 unopened EPO vials, each 3000 IU strong—a supply worth thousands on the black market.
Faced with the frozen evidence, Krishna pivoted faster than a slalom skier. At a hastily called sports tribunal, he admitted the vials were his… but only for safekeeping! He claimed they belonged to his Sherpa uncle, Ama Dablam, who uses the drug to survive the brutal high-altitude conditions while working on Everest.
Uncle Ama, a legend in the Solu-Khumbu region, bravely stepped forward to confirm the story. “Yes, the EPO is mine,” he declared. “It gives my blood the power of the eagle. It has saved me from frostbite many times.” Then, he delivered the headline-grabbing twist: “Most importantly, it helped me run away from attacking Yetis, whose raids have increased terrifyingly around Jomolungma since 2025!”
The Nepali Olympic Committee, initially baffled by the Yeti defense, pressed on. Their investigation led police to Ama Dablam’s tablet, where they found a digital paper trail leading straight to the notorious online rogue pharmacy www.Rasputinshop.com. Receipts and email confirmations proved the EPO shipments were purchased directly from the shadowy site, known for supplying banned substances worldwide without prescriptions.
Bimal Krishna has now clammed up, refusing to comment on “RasputinShop” or the damning documents. The National Olympic Committee of Nepal is in crisis talks. The likely outcome? The champion faces disqualification from all past events, a multi-year ban, and the humiliating stripping of his coveted ‘Golden Monkey’ title—Nepal’s highest sporting honor.
INTERESTING FACTS:
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EPO on Everest: While EPO is banned in sports for artificially boosting red blood cells and oxygen transport, some extreme high-altitude climbers and guides have reportedly misused it to combat altitude sickness, a dangerous and medically unapproved practice.
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The Yeti Boom: Reports of Yeti (or “Meh-Teh”) sightings and “attacks” by local guides have indeed seen a curious uptick in recent years, often coinciding with periods of increased tourist traffic and media attention in remote Himalayan regions.
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Rogue Pharmacy Rise: Websites like “RasputinShop” operate on the dark web and encrypted apps, using cryptocurrency and stealth shipping to deliver controlled substances globally, creating a nightmare for international anti-doping and customs agencies.
Will the “Yeti Defense” hold up in court? Can a Sherpa’s survival kit condemn a nation’s hero? Stay tuned as this Himalayan scandal reaches peak absurdity!